


couldn't handle losing you

by hufflebee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Post 2x20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12016800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflebee/pseuds/hufflebee
Summary: After Valentine’s death, Alec had know he’d have nightmares. But he hadn’t been prepared for what those nightmares were. He thought he’d dream of his parabatai rune vanishing with a backdrop of agonising screams, but the few times that had popped up, it was a dull ache, there one moment and gone the next. The nightmares that plagued Alec were far worse.The context changed, the starting point and time of day varied, but somehow the nightmare always ended up at Lake Lyn, with him and Magnus confronted by the Angel, a moment before the explosion of light. The explosion always blinded Alec, so he could only hear the agony of Magnus’ screams and pleads, could only hear when those screams died down. Sometimes they’d get to the Lake and the Angel wouldn’t be there, but those times, Magnus would just walk away, deaf to Alec’s pleads and blind to his tears.





	couldn't handle losing you

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: hufflebee.tumblr.com

After the activation of the Soul Sword at the Institute, Alec had known he’d have nightmares. He’d known the hopeless terror of running through empty hallways and calling out for Magnus would return as soon as he closed his eyes. it had taken about a week then, to finally get a full night’s sleep.

After Valentine’s death, Alec had know he’d have nightmares. But he hadn’t been prepared for what those nightmares were. He thought he’d dream of his parabatai rune vanishing with a backdrop of agonising screams, but the few times that had popped up, it was a dull ache, there one moment and gone the next. The nightmares that plagued Alec were far worse.

The context changed, the starting point and time of day varied, but somehow the nightmare always ended up at Lake Lyn, with him and Magnus confronted by the Angel, a moment before the explosion of light. The explosion always blinded Alec, so he could only hear the agony of Magnus’ screams and pleads, could only hear when those screams died down. Sometimes they’d get to the Lake and the Angel wouldn’t be there, but those times, Magnus would just walk away, deaf to Alec’s pleads and blind to his tears.

The nightmares ended with Magnus’ cold body in Alec’s arms, or Alec wrapping his arms around himself, like it would help the feeling of his entire being falling apart. Either way, Alec always woke up with a jolt, lost and broken for a few seconds before he took in the silk sheets against his skin, the warm and solid body pressed against him, Magnus’ soft breathing beside him. Magnus would continue sleeping, his exhaustion still full and deep, and Alec would just hug him closer, breathe him in until he fell back asleep.

It was on the forth night that Alec shot up off the bed, cold sweat clinging to his skin, a scream barely contained in his throat, and a hand on his shoulder. He snaps his head back, met with warm eyes dripping with worry and love. Alec turns completely towards Magnus, hugging him close, burying his face in the crook of Magnus’ neck. He focuses on the sound and feeling of Magnus’ pulse, on the gentle hands running along his back. and after what could be minutes or hours, he lifts his head up to look at his boyfriend.

“Sorry for waking you,“ Alec whispers, his voice rough.

“No need to apologise, Alexander,“ Magnus says. His lips press softly against Alec’s forehead, before he continues, “Do you want to talk about it?“

“Maybe not right now,“ Alec says after a moment. “Having you here helps, knowing that you’re safe.“

Magnus looks at him in question, so Alec elaborates, “The nightmares are about losing you. Either to Valentine’s insane plan or you walking away from me.”

A silence settles between them as Magnus seemingly takes in Alec’s words, like he hadn’t expected them. Slowly, he tightens his hold on Alec, wrapping him up in his arms more, and Alec has never felt so safe.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.“

Alec breathes out a small laugh at that, and says, “Good, because I couldn’t handle losing you.”

He chokes up a bit on the last word, and falls back into bed, pulling Magnus with him. They settle on their sides, barely a breath of space between them, their arms still around one another. The look Magnus has on his face reminds Alec of their first morning waking up together in this very bed.

_What scares you?_

“I couldn’t handle losing you, either.“

Alec pulls Magnus closer, and the next little while is a blur of soft touches and brief kisses, whispered promises and reassurance ( _I’m here, you’re not going to lose me, I love you_ ), before both of them fall back asleep. The very last thought Alec is aware of is a memory, a simple, yet incredibly complicated sentence said in the golden morning light what feels like a lifetime ago.

_The key to having no fears; having nothing to lose._


End file.
